The Wi-Fi went out again.Wi-Fi 又斷了That’s the third time this week.這週已經第三次了I swear the router hates us.我發誓那台路由器討厭我們Want me to try unplugging it?要我試試拔插頭重啟嗎？Yes, give it theic reboot ritual.好啊，給它來個經典重開儀式Should we name it?我們要不要幫它取個名字？Maybe it’ll behave if we call it “Speedy.”說不定叫它「飛快哥」它就聽話了Or “PleaseWork_5G.”或是「拜託快點_5G」Okay, it’s back on!好了，它回來了！Offer it a sacrifice—maybe cookies.快獻祭點什麼——像是餅乾Why is there flour on the floor?地板上怎麼有麵粉？I was trying to bake without waking you up.我想偷偷烘焙，別吵醒你And the flour decided to fly?然後麵粉就自己飛起來了？Pretty much.大概是這樣Did you at least make something edible?至少有做出能吃的東西嗎？I made muffins… kind of.我做了瑪芬…算是吧Are they alive?它們還活著嗎？Not sure yet. Proceed with caution.不確定，小心為妙They look like tiny volcanoes.它們看起來像迷你火山Taste like optimism and regret.吃起來像「充滿希望」加一點後悔I can’t find my earbuds again.我的耳機又不見了Didn’t you just buy a new pair?你不是才剛買一副新的？That’s the old pair. The new ones are already missing.那是舊的，新的一副也失蹤了Do they have legs?它們有腳嗎？They might. Or there’s a black hole in the couch.有可能。或是沙發裡有黑洞Let’s check under the cushions.我們找找看墊子下面I found a pen, two coins, and… a receipt from 2022.我找到一支筆、兩枚硬幣，還有一張2022的發票No earbuds?耳機呢？Nope.沒有You need to glue them to your wallet.你應該把耳機黏在錢包上The blender lid wasn’t on tight.果汁機的蓋子沒蓋緊Oh no, what happened?天啊，怎麼了？Smoothie on the ceiling.冰沙噴到天花板上了Again?又來？It’s a talent at this point.我現在根本是天賦技能了Did any of it survive?還有剩嗎？About half a cup.大概半杯Better than nothing.至少還有一點Let me help you clean the ceiling.我幫你擦天花板Teamwork makes the stains disappear.團隊合作讓污漬消失Did you forget to close the freezer?你是不是忘了關冷凍庫？…Possibly.…有可能There’s a glacier forming in there.裡面快變成冰河了Cool, we can host penguins now.酷，我們現在可以養企鵝Let’s defrost it this weekend.這週末來除霜吧We’ll need towels. Lots of towels.我們會需要很多毛巾Or a tiny flamethrower.或是一把迷你火焰噴射器That sounds unsafe but fun.聽起來危險但有趣I’ll just unplug it.還是我直接拔電好了Boring but effective.雖然無趣但有效I spilled coffee on my shirt again.我又把咖啡灑在衣服上了That’s the third time this week.這週第三次了吧At this point, it’s a style choice.到這地步根本是風格選擇了Coffee chic.咖啡時尚風Want me to get the stain remover?要我拿去漬筆嗎？Yes, and maybe a bib.要，還有也許來個圍兜Or a spill-proof cup.或是防潑灑的杯子That might be safer.那真的比較安全Or just wear brown shirts.或乾脆只穿咖啡色的衣服Genius.天才The neighbor’s cat is on our porch again.還有鄰居家的貓又來我們門廊了She likes the welcome mat.牠很喜歡我們的門墊Probably because it says “nap zone.”大概因為上面寫著「午睡區」Should we adopt her?我們要不要收編牠？She already adopted us.牠已經把我們收編了I’ll put out some water.我去放點水給牠And maybe a tiny throne.還有也許加個小王座？Don’t encourage her royalty.不要助長牠的皇族幻想啦It’s too late.太晚了Long live Queen Whiskers.貓皇萬歲Why do we have three bottles of soy sauce?為什麼我們有三瓶醬油？I thought we ran out last month.我記得上個月用完了So did I. That’s why I bought more.我也是這麼以為，所以又買了Now we can open a sushi restaurant.我們可以開壽司店了Or donate some to our neighbors.或是分一點給鄰居They probably have three bottles too.他們搞不好也有三瓶Soy sauce club?醬油俱樂部？Weekly meetings and salty snacks.每週聚會配鹹鹹零食Membership by condiment count.入會門檻：調味品數量We’re overqualified.我們根本過量There’s glitter on your face.你臉上有亮粉耶Craft project gone wrong.手作計畫失控了Looks like a unicorn exploded.看起來像獨角獸爆炸I was trying to make a birthday card.我是在做生日卡片啦Did the card survive?卡片有活下來嗎？Sort of. But the table didn’t.勉強算有，但桌子沒救了Glitter is forever.亮粉永遠不會消失I’ll find it in my shoes next week.下週我的鞋裡一定還會有Worth it for handmade charm.為了手作的魅力，值得啦And sparkly chaos.加上一點閃亮混亂The couch is eating my phone again.我的手機又被沙發吃掉了Where’d it fall this time?這次掉哪了？Somewhere between the cushions of doom.某個墊子之間的詛咒地帶That place is a labyrinth.那邊根本迷宮I found a fork once.我之前還撿過一支叉子Why was there a fork?為什麼會有叉子！？Mystery of the ages.時代謎團I need one of those phone straps.我要買那種有吊繩的手機殼Or a rope.或直接綁繩子Like rock climbing, but for phones.像是攀岩…但是為了找手機I started a new hobby.我開始了一個新興趣Please don’t say “juggling knives.”拜託別跟我說是「拋刀子」Relax—it’s calligraphy.放心啦——是書法Fancy!好有氣質喔I want to write dramatic grocery lists.我想用華麗的字寫採買清單“Milk” in elegant cursive.「牛奶」寫成優雅的草寫And “toilet paper” with flourishes.「衛生紙」還加裝飾筆劃The store won’t know what hit them.超市一定會嚇一跳Art meets errands.藝術與家務的結合I support this journey.我全力支持這趟旅程I heard you singing in the shower.我聽到你在浴室唱歌耶I thought I was alone!我以為家裡沒人！You hit some impressive high notes.你還飆了超高音欸Thanks—I was doing a Broadway medley.謝啦，我在唱百老匯組曲The shampoo was your audience.洗髮精就是你的觀眾A very quiet one.非常安靜的一位I’ll sell tickets next time.下次我要賣票I’ll bring popcorn.我會帶爆米花來And a standing ovation.然後給你起立鼓掌I demand encores.我還要求安可曲The vacuum smells like burnt toast.吸塵器聞起來像烤焦吐司That’s… not normal.那不太正常耶It coughed up dust and gave up.它噴了點灰塵之後就放棄了Poor thing.可憐的傢伙Should we give it a break?我們要讓它休息一下嗎？Or a retirement party.還是辦個退休派對？Time for a new one?是不是該換一台新的了？Maybe a robot vacuum this time.這次換一台掃地機器人好了One that sings while it cleans.一邊打掃一邊唱歌那種Now that’s innovation.那才叫創新I tried meal prepping but got distracted.我試著做一週份的餐，但中途分心了What happened?發生什麼事？I chopped veggies, then made a snack, then watched TV.我切了蔬菜，然後吃了零食，接著看電視So… no meals prepped?所以…餐備沒完成？Only emotionally.只有精神上準備好了Let’s tag-team it tomorrow.明天我們一起來弄吧Deal. I’ll chop, you portion.好啊，我切，你分裝And we both get snacks.然後我們一起吃零食Mandatory snack breaks.零食休息是必須的We’re professionals.我們可是專業的You left the car windows open—again.你又忘了把車窗搖上去了It wasn’t supposed to rain!天氣預報沒說會下雨啊！Well, now the seats are soggy.現在座位全濕了啦Free humidifier, I guess?當免費加濕器吧？Smells like wet regrets.味道像「濕答答的後悔」Should we air it out now?現在要開窗通風嗎？Or drive with towels?還是開車時墊毛巾？I’ll grab the hair dryer.我去拿吹風機The car deserves better.車子應該值得更好的待遇So do my pants.我的褲子也是Our fridge makes a noise like it’s sighing.我們的冰箱發出像嘆氣的聲音It’s tired of our snacks.它應該對我們吃太多零食感到厭倦Same, honestly.老實說我也一樣Let’s clean it out.我們來清一下冰箱吧I fear the back corner.我怕角落裡的東西There’s probably a science experiment in there.說不定那邊有個生化實驗The cheese has developed a personality.起司都長人格了Hello, Sir Brie.你好，布里先生He demands space.他要求有自己的空間Let’s evict him politely.我們禮貌地把他請出去吧I tried meditating this morning.我今天早上試著冥想That’s great!很棒啊！I fell asleep in the first five minutes.但我五分鐘內就睡著了Still counts.還是算成功Very peaceful nap.非常平靜的一覺Want to try a guided one together later?要不要下午一起試個引導式冥想？As long as it doesn’t involve chanting.前提是不用唸咒語喔Just breathing and not snoring.只有呼吸，沒有打呼Deal.好，成交Let’s be mindful of naps.我們要正念面對小睡There’s a bird tapping the window.有隻鳥一直在窗戶上敲Again? Maybe it likes your reflection.又來了？可能牠很喜歡你倒影Or it’s challenging me to a duel.或是牠在挑戰我決鬥You vs. feathered fury.你對戰羽毛怒火Should we put up a curtain?我們要不要裝個窗簾？Or name it and accept our fate.還是給牠取個名字認命了How about “Pecky”?就叫牠「啄啄」好了Fitting.很符合Pecky just flew away.啄啄剛剛飛走了He’ll be back.他還會回來的The toaster just shot bread across the room.烤麵包機剛剛把麵包彈飛出去That’s a powerful setting.那是什麼威力等級？It’s trying to be a catapult.它想轉職當投石器Should we dial it down?我們該調弱一點嗎？Probably.應該要Or enter it in the Toast Olympics.不然就報名吐司奧運We’d win gold.我們肯定能拿金牌Breakfast has never been so exciting.早餐從未如此刺激Dangerous, but exciting.危險但精彩I love living on the edge.我喜歡這種緊張感的人生Your alarm went off five times this morning.你的鬧鐘今天早上響了五次I was dreaming I was late and then became late.我夢到自己遲到了，然後真的遲到了That’s too real.太真實了I need a gentler sound.我需要比較溫柔的鈴聲Like birds?比如說鳥叫？Or soft jazz.或是輕柔爵士樂Try “whispers of encouragement.”試試「鼓勵低語」的那種“You got this… wake up…”「你可以的…醒來吧…」I’d sleep through that.我一定會直接睡過頭Let’s just get a rooster.我們還是去買一隻公雞好了